‘The Swinger Lifestyle’ – a definition.
The phrase; ‘The Swinger Lifestyle’ is one which has a relatively short history, probably only dating back to the mid-1980s. Whilst you will be able to find slightly varying definitions of the term, most refer to the behaviour of couples only and fail to extend its meaning to include singles.
I prefer to broaden the definition to include singles of both sexes because many sexually liberated couples do enjoy swinging with single females and single males as well as with other couples.
Accordingly, my definition is: ‘The practise of non-monogamous sex and the belief that this is of benefit to individual relationships and to society generally.’
It involves regularly engaging in sexual activities with a variety of different partners, often communally in threesome sex, partner swapping, and other forms of group sex. However, whilst extending my definition to include singles, I am aiming the advice given in this particular article mainly at couples.
First steps to getting into the swinger lifestyle.
Many couples who have contemplated getting into the swinger lifestyle think that they can only do so by attending a swinger club party but this is rarely either an easy or sensible first step. I have known of far too many cases where jumping into the deep waters of swinger parties has proved a disastrous first step that has damaged relationships and caused lasting emotional pain.
A more sensible strategy is to carefully discuss over a considerable period of time what both partners hope to gain from the swinger lifestyle. It is true that swinging can strengthen a couples relationships but when it is not equally right for both partners it can weaken them to the point of destruction. Use the period of discussion and consideration to find out all you can about swinging. Read articles written by people who have experienced the lifestyle with both positive and negative outcomes.
Avoiding Swinger Lifestyle Unhappiness.
The most important thing of all is for both partners to realise that neither of them will ever be able to turn back the clock to the time before their first swinger-sex experience took place. This means that if either partner wonders whether they might end up regretting having sex with someone else or regret agreeing to their partner doing so; they will never be able to ‘put it right’ later on.
Discussing this type of thing means really listening to one another. Some people (men especially!) don’t really listen properly. Over many years of running a swingers club, I have met quite a few people whose partners have been quite oblivious their true feelings about swinging. More often than not these unhappy souls act out the role required of them but whenever I have asked them what they enjoy most about swinging, they have usually told me that it was making their partner happy!
Do avoid being one of these submissive partners who goes along with everything ‘just to please’, rather than taking the risk of being truly assertive during this essential pre-swinging discussion process. On the other hand, don’t make up your mind until you have really listened and thoroughly considered all of the pros and cons. Similarly, avoid being domineering and oblivious to the true feelings of your partner. Listen carefully to everything she (or he) has to say throughout your discussions and watch out for the body language signals that might be indicating more than their words are telling you.
Swinger Dating or Swinger Club Event?
End this process of consideration only when you and your partner feel absolutely certain that you have given it sufficient time to make an honest and united decision whether to either make the next move towards the swinger lifestyle or to keep your relationship a monogamous one. If your decision is to embark on the swinger lifestyle your next step is to consider which is the best way to get it started.
Much will depend on what is available in your area. If there isn’t a good swinger club within the distance you are prepared to travel, or you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of going along to one just yet, you will need to find other ways to meet up with swingers.
The easiest way is to use a good online swinger dating club like Club Aphrodite that has huge network of active members in every area. Make sure that you consider your preferences about what sort of initial meetings are going to be right and relaxing for both of you. Walking straight into a swinger party for the first time can be quite an intimidating experience for many, whilst meeting another couple at on neutral premises can feel much less daunting. There can even be a big difference in the way a private house swinger party can feel compared to a swinger club based party. Everyone has different ideas about what feels best for them. The essential thing is go for the way feels right for you.